最感触的事 Sentimental

A friend of mine posted this as his status in facebook. 

Back to a place... filled with memories where I endured both good and bad times.

It sounds so sad. sounds so sentimental.

Everyone has a sad story. The moment when only self can lick the wound. When he was helpless. When he tot that no one hear him regardless how loud one shouts, yells in bottom.


I have a story too. Which I don't think I'm fully recovered from it yet. *But I believed, one day it will. Time heals and proves to us how silly we were to care about the person that don't fond of us.... "


To me, the most sentimental is not love, is friendship.

要交一個朋友，需要很長時間的培養，但是要失去一個朋友只要一秒

To know a friend, it takes minutes.
To be a good friend of someone, it takes years.
To lose a friends, it takes only one second.


But I didn't lose my faith in friendship.

Some are fragile, some are unbreakable, some were tot unbreakable.

A lecturer once told me ..

There is no eternal friendship. Only friends with no contradicting benefits.
T_____________T

Never tot of lecturer would tell me something like this.
But it's a life lesson from him to me.

So hurtful yet so true.


May our heavenly father brings me through this. Makes me a better person.

Super lengthy 2013's resolution

Since I have no mood to study now, so I decided to blog about my new year resolution.

The purpose of life is to live a life of purpose 

waaa.. deep to core! haha. So! here's the list

1. Be more tidy. I'm a messy girl. Tidy is never a word used to describe me and I never wanted to be. But, for this new year and to challenge myself, I set the goal. To be MORE tidy. *Please, I didn't say I want to be a neat and tidy girl. I just said, MORE. hahaha* 
2. To learn but not memorize. To appreciate but not just study. As I enter clinical year, things change to more clinical and memorize seriously is not enough. I wanna learn. I wanna understand. 
3. To practice more and be more brave to ask question in lecture. In the middle of lecture. Maybe I should sit in front then I would be more brave. I hope so. I remember last time during Form 6, I always ask question. because my class only have like 18 students? in biology class, only like 8? I miss those time. Form 6 is one of the memory I like. 
4. To enjoy life. Life is miserable if we don't spend time to enjoy the moment. The sweet, the happy, the bitter, the sad, every moment. 
5. Smile everyday when I wake up. Be the first person to cheer myself up. 
6. Insta as much as possible. (If you play insta also, add me, chialin17)
7. Blog as often as I can. Because these 2 are the best way to record my life. In words and in photos. 
8. To be a better blogger. until Aud and Tim knows me. (this don't have any expiry date, take note lol) Can die after that. There are people have singers and  actors as idol, while mine is this sweet married couple as my idol. This started ever since the meme proposal. I seldom have idol, even I had, it never lasts long. Most after the movie/drama finish, few days later, the names fade out from my mouth. But, for tim and aud, it has been a habit to follow them. *stalker level to the max* 
9. To have more friends. Blogging is definitely the way. I only blog for like 8 months, but I know a lot of friends from blogging!! and end up they are all very nice and steady! I didn't even started join Nuffnang event. Can you imagine how many new friends I may encounter if I join in their event? I have been anticipated. 
10. To contact with those old friends that lost contact. These few days I have been chatting with old friend that once very close to. I want more of those time. 
11. Not to lose contact and proximity with my friends even after graduate. At the end of 2012, I realise, friends are like wine, the longer it is, the smoother and tastier it is to be. You know each other so well that you can tell what she is thinking from a facial expression in split seconds, a single words, a posture, eyes. You know the meaning behind those words. 
12. To have more time with and be grateful of my family. For always be there. Even though I don't like to share any sad moments of mine with them, but they are who whom really support of me. Mentally, physically and financially hahaha! 
13. To learn to speak British English as I'm going to go UK for 2 weeks practical and 2 weeks holidays. I'm so blessed! I hope I will not be broke neither my parents and Monkey! Hopefully can get sponsorship or discount accommodation if I can contact them say whether if I advertise in blog, may them give us a bit discount? I know by now it's impossible to have while my popularity is nearly zero. Lol. But who knows. I am always optimistic! =D *I got freed food, movie tickets from this blog, so let's see how's my luck.*  Or anyone of you have relative there, can lend me a bed/sofa to sleep on? haha *cheapskate to max*
14. To learn to speak some basic Japanese! The accommodation may be provided, so I have no worry. Just have to ENJOY! haha. I wanna buy lot lot lot fake eyelashes there!  and Japan yen is dropping! Hahahaa! Please, drop some more.. for the sake of this poor student. haha.  
15. To be more pretty!! Yes! Life long most shallow goal!! but which girl don't wanna be pretty, tell me!
16. To love Monkey more and make him loves me more. More than I love him. Lol. I'm selfish I know. But I don't wanna be hurt anymore. And I know he won't. *smile*  

I guess that's all!

Congratulation! You have finish reading 10,000 words POEM. haha!

How about your new year's resolution? 

Oh oh oh yeah! one more! 

17. To be fatter. I always want to be fatter as my current weight is 41.5 kg. highest is 42.3kg. I don't wanna look like anorexic big head small body, walking skeleton even I have been like that since I was born.

Wish you a happy day ahead. 

Thank you for reading. 

Week of kemalangan

After a week of work-your-ass-off-week, here comes the week of kemalangan.

Yes, it's a week of kemalangan. Nothing good happen in this week. *got la, junior organize winter festival, ate tasty tang yuan, thank you. surgery workshop, therio result still not bad, gossip with seniors, or maybe because of gossip, now all the bad thing come back to me.. KARMA sucks. hahahaha*

But it is really like nothing good happen,
siasui in front of my crush,
dog died,
got period stain bit on my pants wtf, *u don't need to know this*
shitty presentation that I have my tongue tied don't know how to explain. oh fuck!


The most most most big kemalangan is!!!!

I GADUH with one of my bestfriends in DVM. Holy shit right?!



Maybe PMS plus frustration plus tiring plus emotional unstable

All this add up my negative energy!
I have been so tired for these few days.

Stress for a lot of things and I damn need a break. How can vet students survive all these?
Stress for assignment and report, rotation, never ending exams and quiz.

And now what's more?! Peer pressure?
Why we fight at this fucking time. Yes la, I'm the one started this argument. So, no one to blame but me.


Be honest, today I hardly pay attention during lecture.
Can I have a break?
I need a break!

6 days more! then I have a long break!
It's a study week but I'm really need to recharge myself.
What's wrong with me?

God, please show me some love.
Brighten my day with great things.

A dream with cruel facts to deal with #1

If you are new here, I'm studying veterinary medicine. And my dream is to become a pretty vet, YES, must be a pretty vet *shallow* with my own veterinary clinic (maybe just 打工la), my son or daughter (or maybe adopted child in case I'm infertile or end up in a lovely lesbian relationship hahaha) will be at the cashier area together with our pet, a Pug maybe, or help me to restrain dogs and cats. They always say it's good to dream big hahaha. It's a dream.

But you know, after you enter veterinary medicine course, you know, things ain't going to be so perfect.

You will have a lot of clients take everything for granted, blame on vet even though there is nothing wrong that the vet has done, ask for and think that ONE injection ONLY already can treat all kind of disease and blah blah blah. But there are owners that really appreciate vet's hard work. Thank you - To all nice owners with gratitude.

But today I'm not going to talk about owners.

There are moments that I really think I should not have chosen Veterinary Medicine. I love animals, I have 3 dogs living happily in my childhood memory. Maybe that's the reason, I'm so easy to get attached to animals emotionally. I am happy when I see there is improvement in patients.

Vet students are funny in a way that, they may feel happy if the cats or dogs finally defecate after being constipated for a while, or from pasty feces become solid, urinate clear yellowish urine, all sort of things that you may think disgusting, vet students are happy with it.

The biggest weakness in me is I get emotional-attached to patient easily.
I can't stand when I know the prognosis is not going to be good or see any sign of deteriorating. I just can't.
Tears easily rolled down from my eyes. and I hate to face this kind of situation and feeling which I can't do anything to help and with tears and mucus running down on my face. I guess I must have looked ugly.

I understand that we are not God. But God, please. Ease my pain and give me the strength to face this fact for me to help these poor things to have some quality remaining time. For me to be able to smile when see them in their eyes.

This is one of the moment I think I'm not suitable to be a vet.
It's not good to be too attached with patients.
It's not good to cry in front of owners/together with the owners/just me crying wtf.
I have to be professional which I capable of controlling my emotion and feeling not to let sadness overwhelmed my heart and mind that affect my critical thinking and decision making.
I should be the one console them, not crying together or worst, they console me.


Some said eventually I will get immune to it when I had already face with too much of that scene.

Sometime when I recall this, I would ask myself, "Is it a good thing or bad? "
I don't know.

But, I hope my dream comes true.
Because that's what I have been dreaming for years.

-The wish shall come true-

And yeah. Thank you the VO on duty that console me. I appreciate that, Such an angel she is.

Stupidity

If there is an award for stupidity, I would be not just "honour" to accept this award!

I was so stupid today, I guess no one is more stupid then what I just did. 

My watch has been out for battery for sometimes, *If you saw me still wearing a white watch, actually the watch is not working. hahaha. I just used to wearing a watch, so I put it on without realise the fact that it's broke and it needs a battery and it doesn't help my miserable life at all by having it on my wrist. I'm just too used to it.* 

So, today around 2 15pm, I finally gam buan move my ass out of my room to sri serdang the ONLY watch shop that I know to change battery. 

230pm. When I almost reach there, the picture of my watch laying on my tidy table ok, it's not tidy at all, on my can't be more messy table flashed across my mind. I forgot to bring my watch! STUPID#1

Oh shit! But I almost there! In a dilemma wanna make a Uturn or check whether the shop is open not. I made up my mind, reached there and asked can I just buy a battery back and fix it myself, would it be difficult. Of course not. I know the answer but I still ask. Sometime I can be really stupid in handling small tinny chores in my life. So, that's STUPID#2 

The shop closed at 3. Now I have 30 minutes to get back to college and take my watch and rush back to the shop. 

I need the watch because of surgery rotation, HOW CAN I COUNT RESPIRATORY RATE, HEART RATE WITHOUT A WATCH? So, it's kinda emergency indeed. And I should have fix it earlier when I have plenty of time. STUPID#3 

235pm. On the way rushing back to college. Guess what! I chosed a route that is super jammed in this week because of MAHA!! *If you are staying around serdang, putrajaya, you should know what is MAHA, It's a Malaysia leading agricultural show with a lot, A LOT of free food testing, cheap stuff.*  I choose the one pass by MARDI. haih. STUPID #4 

End up jammed there for 15 minutes. 

3pm  Finally reach college! take my watch and rush back to the shop. 

310pm  Reach the shop and the man left the shop. Good. 

But, I'm still a lucky girl. Someone in the shop *which I guess is the owner of the shoplot, the watch shop just occupies a small part of it.* gave me his handphone number and I managed to get him back and fix it. 

Pheww.. spent RM10 for a battery which I can actually buy a new cheap watch, and RM5 for the fuel ?? Worth? definitely not. T__________T Y I so stupid today. 

4 Stupid acts in one day and 1 lucky moment.

Do you love Minnie?

New addiction!

Minnie tattoo stocking.

Heart Shape Polka dot skirt is new addiction too. Kitschen, only RM19.90. Cheap~!
Closer view.

Like or not?
Or you feel disgusted just like how my elder sister YY felt.

Dear Jealousy

It has been bothering me for a while that I have no idea why would people do something like that to me.

And that person should apologize to me and MY PARENTS! 

A senior of mine posted this as her facebook status and I think it's really good. 

Do not simply spread news that you don't know the head and tail of the true story. Have a courtesy to ask, before you spread it. Be a bit responsible.

Guess what, I still don't know who is him or her because none of them have the gut to admit or maybe all of them didn't do it hahaha.

But at the end I find out something from someone who knows things like no other people would know this matter more than him or her, then only I find out...

It's Jealousy!

Oh my god!

I was really happy instead of upset. Because no one would jealous of loser. I must be good at something or maybe simply just because I'm too lucky that he or she not happy with it.

But recall everything that I have, I was really quite lucky.

1. With my gangster temperament, I have lots of friends that love me. Friends from penang and friends in DVM. But things happened, and I know, who are being sincerely nice to me, and who didn't. 
2. I don't study like no day and night, but my result is not bad. *not to say very good, but I'm satisfied with what I have. practice makes perfect. every wrong answer would help you remember more! And for the avian med test that just few days ago, I would never forget ASPERGILLOSIS! Shit me for not being able to recall at that critical moment!! But for my whole life, or if I end up as an Avian Vet, when I saw the yellow foci in brain, lungs of chicken, aspergillosis should in my Differential Diagnosis! Then I would curse the infected chicken: shit you chicken, you are the one makes me lost marks in Avian Med!*    
3. I  have family that always support me. and sponsor me a lot of things also. Thank you yinyin, yy, dad and mum. Last but not least, my koko. 
4. I have Monkey, that always wait for me who is always busy with a lot things, exams, study, class, wards, rotation, hangouts. 
5. I earn bit money from my hobby. Even though with little or no followers. Haha. This one you can continue making jokes of me or laugh at me. But it's my hobby and my way to express myself. Last time I wrote diary, that's why I capable to write blog. It's like my own diary. 

But let me tell you, Mr/Ms Jealousy, I deserve all this! Because I have been good to everyone and God bless me with all these. 

And for the award winning that you mention, Please, I deserve that as well. 

Don't underestimate STPM scorer, I know what's the way of study. All I need is the determination. If I continue study like how I study during Form 6, I believe I can do so much better than now. But I guess, if you have the determination, you can score also. So, why not taking care of your own life? 

Instead of jealous of how great other people's live are, why not you start working on your own life? Be more concern of your own life! 

But I still thank you for seeing me with microscopic vision/eyes, because I know, I can only move forward to show you that you are so wrong and maybe I'll be a role model of yours at the end. Haha. 

But no kidding, all my best friends are those who dislike me at first. 

Maybe at the end we become good friends. Who knows. 

But, first, please, recall everything in your life. Don't be so pathetic. 

God bless you.

Cross The Sea

Like this picture because I look so happy. And I was really happy at that time also. The one hiding from camera is Yinyin, my beloved eldest sister.

Cross the sea to find my brother and sisters in Singapore. They are now working in Singapore. Poor Malaysian that can't work in his own country. I guess it's the trend, I have so many friends are now working in Singapore. I guess it would be easier to have a friends gathering over there compare to having in in Malaysia. Pathetic but true.
Singapore's offer is too irresistible. Working for same amount of time, but you earn SingDollars which has higher value.
Malaysia..

This is me! in one of the mall. I'm sorry, I can't remember any single mall name because I'm old. haha. Typical Foreigner, take photo at every place. FYI, it was in food court.

My handsome brother and elder sister, Yy. Yy is just 2 years older than me. In this family, she is the one who I talk to the most. She is more like my friend. I was a bullie when I was a kid, and she was the pemangsa. Every time we talk about it, I would laugh so hard that my eyes become a line and literally tear dropping. I couldn't believe she is still this close to me after being bullied that much by me. I guess this is "blood thicker than water".

 Awfully Chocolate! Love! small bite of ice cream, mouthful of chocolate taste give you foodgasm hahaha.
Awfully chocolate and Awfully face.
Come in a small paper basket!

So cute that YY brought me there and said things like this:
YY: When I first came here, I don't even have a penny in my pocket. Then Sister brought me here and bought a scoop of awfully chocolate. Yes, we only afford a scoop. When it melts in my mouth, I know, I must bring you here to taste how sweet, warmth moment taste like.

waaaa... No la, I made it myself. haha.

Yinyin (eldest) bought her a scoop of Awfully Chocolate. And there YY promised, when I first came to Singapore, she would give me the same treat just like that day.

And it was really nice and touching moment.

Luckily I'm the youngest! haha.

 OMG, Y my dad so young and handsome! Looks fit in the photo ya. hmmm, Not bad ya.

 A lot of people said we look the same. You think?

 Obviously my mum has something to say about it. hahaha! My mum is so cute! I'm very lucky because she is a good counselor. and she force her eyes open real big to take photo. She tends to close her eyes when taking photo. No idea why.

 Potato Chips dip with Chocolate.

Giving hint to my brother I want that. As usual, he either didn't see it, or ignore me. hahaha!

To be a better ME

I always have this problem with me. The way I look at people.

Sometime people would mistakenly thought that i stare at them (not in a good way), but actually i was looking at them with my mind goes blank/thinking something else. But i would like to make a change. 

I realised it during my practical in Sabah where the farm manager actually asked me why would I stare at him in a unfriendly way. (He is young, and only few years older than me, so it was more like a friend chat rather than accusing me) SO I ask around, and only I realised how annoying the way I look at people. It's kinda fierce. 

SOOO, i was thinking could it be like this! 

Damn suspicious. *actually i was looking at 9gag and this make me laugh*
*what's your problem!*

 Or maybe it's a very suspicious look that may people feel annoyed.

*I know you did something! just admit it!* 

 Or maybe even worse~!

*YOU OWE ME SOMETHING!*

Or maybe I have "Haki" just like Luffy. =P 

I actually didn't even know that until I enter university. Maybe I also stare at my secondary school friends like that, just that they know me better that I didn't mean it. 

  

Anyway, I know people don't like that, and I would like to make a change. Treat people the way you want to be treated. So, I keep reminding myself.

Here is the checklist to be better me.

This is the actual ME! "Did you just said I'm cute?! Stop it~~~*

1. Don't stare at people
2. Smile more 
3. Greet more
4. Don't care who is the one start the conversation. You never know a person well unless you become a friend of his or her. Don't judge a book from its cover, who knows he or she could be one of your close friends.  *One of my bestfriend was actually someone i really don't like/ hate because I think she was such a arrogant jackass, but end up be my besttie. The funny thing is she also thought i'm the arrogant jackass* *WAIT, does that mean it all started as early as during secondary school? the unfriendly way of looking at other people?! HAIH* 
5. OK, then Don't act like arrogant jackass.
6. Don't walk like a gangster. *it's really hard for me to change that because I've been walking like that for 20 years, but I would try. No harm trying, right? >.<*
7. Don't gossip. *it's too hard... maybe reduce bit?? =P*
8. Be optimistic! just like him! 

There is a lot more, but take a break.. step by step. haha. 

If I ever stare at you, I'm sorry, i didn't mean it. (exception to the people annoy me.haha. Joking la, If I dislike that person, I would choose reduce conversation, rather than stare at him.. stare at people would increase wrinkles around eyes, not worth it to stare at people that I dislike. haha *idiot me*)

oooooosh! don't give up!