The thing that I would not want it to be my regret list.

In life, we always need to make decision out of a lot choices. 

Like at present, I need to make a decision of where and which clinic I would wanna start up my virgin vet working life. It's equally nervous and a really big decision to make like virgin night wtfish hahaha. 

But this post is not about my future career. It's about friendship. (as usual, I'm the emo friendship type. which I think it's more pros than cons because it means I value friendship.) 

I have a friend. A friend that saved me from the depression. (A very mild one I would say, but she was there when I was suffocated with negative mindset about how fragile a friendship can be. Thus, I really like her and appreciate her. For without her, I don't know what I would be now.) 

However, she has fence around her that she won't easily let anyone in. Because she had the same experience like mine too, and she took years to let go. May be because of how the depress-me looks so much like her, she talks to me, and pulls me out from what I had been through. 

She is a person who sees relationship as the matter of utmost importance - Family and friends. 

Tragedy happened and she got back to the old her.

And she keeps feelings to herself. She opts to suffer alone and heal all by her own. 

And I made a decision that I most regret. 

For not being with her. For choosing let her heal on her own. and think that it would be better for not forcing her to share with me. For being such a coward who afraid of being pushed away, being ignored by her. For not being shameless enough to stay by her side. 

I have no doubt that she would heal. Since she had been through so much, there is nothing that she couldn't heal. I know she would not want to talk. 

And I hate myself being such coward and opt the most convenient way to help her is being supportive in a corner far away from her *a.k.a not helping *  As I know, no matter how hard one person push you away, they always needed someone to be there when the tears fall out even though it means you sitting quietly beside her. 

So, I wait. and hope it heals before graduation. 

So, I noticed, a smile and light laughter when I sit beside her in a rotation briefing. *right after it finish, she ran to no where I can find* 

I noticed, she sit with us while having lunch. *damn happy, the whole gang is chilled* 

I noticed, she refuse my help because I may get bitten by her patient. *she still cares about me* 

I noticed her laughter while she preparing slides with one rotation mate. *and I was 10 meters away, it was loud enough to be heard. Good prognosis* 

But the rotation mates still say, she won't talk much. She is like her usual self. 

But to me, She is healing. =D 

So, when comes to her birthday, I decided, to celebrate with her. *how much courage it is, because, I am seriously afraid that she would just ignore me holding the cake, and walk pass me like I'm just plain air.* 

I know, if I didn't organise a celebration with her, it would be the new most regret thing in my life. Because birthday, it means a lot to her. Knowing the fact that we celebrate birthday with her, it's the least thing that we could do to let her feel warmth and remind her, we are still here. And I truly appreciate last year, her housemates celebrate with her. 

So, on her birthday night, we light up the candle, and rushed into the house. END UP WAS BLOWN OFF BY FAN. stupin fan. Then we light up again, sang the birthday song. and she didn't push us away. She didn't walk pass us. She accept it. with smile on her face. =D 

P/S: I'm not the only one afraid to get rejected. People even warn me for may not get what I wish to get. But guess what, #np The Best Day of My Life.  Hahahahaha. 

We chat for hours. I saw more smile, and more laughters heard during the night. More coming in future. =D

I had no idea how our future would be, but our friendship would last forever. If she didn't show up in gathering, maybe I should go to her house and tarik her out, or just being shamelessly ask her to cook for me. I really miss that old great days when I parasite in her house. And I know, she still remembers as clear as I do. Maybe clearer than me.  

May God bless this beautiful soul and ease her path, she has been suffered too much.  

Hope to see the cheerful-her soon. 

with love mix guilt,

Chia Lin 

The bitterest lesson of life

This friday the vet student, DVM 2 is organizing a faculty night, with the theme of Vintage. 

Every year, faculty night will highlight on DVM 5 as it is considered as the dinner celebrating us leaving the faculty soon, and lecturers will be like "get out of this faculty, I don't wanna see your face anymore" lol wtfish. This is true, because, if they see us again next semester, it means we failed the comprehensive exam, and take another 1 year, to study and retake the exam. =C As much as the lecturers wish us leave them alone, hahahaha, I hope so too. *Fingers cross* 

So, DVM 2 are asking for the video of DVM 5. thus, I have to go through all the old pictures. 

The more I see, the sadder I am.

And this is the conclusion I get... 

How crazy we were, how much fun we had and lead to how sentimental the pictures are now. 

May be I should feel satisfied with the memory of our great old days together, yet why my heart aches when I recall of it. 

Maybe I should think that it's not us who change, it's our priorities. =S

They said, friends don't leave, we just know that who our true friends are. 

I'm living in a world that even best friends can grow apart. 

I miss you. and it hurts. 

I shall call it a "Old woman syndrome" 

to the other friends who I unintentionally hurt before (if I had), you have my most sincere apologies, I had no idea, it hurts you that bad. 

Sekian, terima kasih. 

Say Hello to God

This decision is hard to make but I think it's the best for her.

She will not be forgotten.
Forever, she lives in my memory and she shall be immortal now without pain or suffering.

How lucky she is to have owners that are so caring towards her. Can see how much love they have to her in their eyes.
I'm glad that she is the patient that under me during my rotation, to know her and be familiar with her, in these 6 days, I feed her, clean up her mess, play with her, walk her, talk to her, geram her for not eating.
But, I'm glad I was with her until the very end.

I will not forget about her. She has very nice and smooth hair coat. Nice temperament. Everything about her is so nice except that she eats anything and everything she sees. Funny thing is, the owner said exactly the same thing about her. =D


To this little girl, when you get to heaven, please don't eat things other than food.
Hope that you will meet my Happy, Amy and Lucky there.


And to cheer myself up and remind myself not to forget to smile after all this happened.

Eyes were bit swollen after so much of tear production and rubbing on eyes.

Smile no matter what. Face your fear and overcome it. Be #Optimistic and #cheerful
Keep this in mind.
Move forward meanwhile not forgetting the past.
I'm no one without the past.

Dear Courage

In life, a lot of decision we have to make.

From minor, small matter to major, big changes, all we need to make our own decision. 

From "where to eat, eat what, wear what clothes" to "What course should I study, circle A or B or C in Multiple Choice Question that you seriously have no idea which is the correct one *OIK, Did I put it at wrong side?!* Should I take the job that I've been studying for years?"  

Because we are the one responsible for our lives respectively. 

No one should be blamed other than yourself for the decision you made or the decision that you should have made. 

But making a life-changing-decision needs courage. 

Dear Courage. Please be with them while they fight for their future and dream career. 

Not everyone would have this bravery to step out the first step. 

To my cousin, to my friends and other people who need this courage 

Believe on your faith and believe on yourself

Do your best and leave the others to God. 

After you stepped out the first step, no matter what, it is something you are not going to regret. 

That's more than enough.  

Thank you mummy, daddy. Let me choose vet med over human med and dentistry. 

Next decision to make, what field I should be in. 

I have no idea yet. But I know, no matter what field I'll be in, I have to study hard first.

Dear courage, be with me and be with them. for every decision we made. For the challenge. and for our future. 

A letter to myself and a self talk

I wish. I wish the negative memory can be deleted.

I wish that I wouldn't care so much

I wish all that never happened. 

I wish I could let it go. 

I wish I wouldn't recall any of that moment. 

I wish I am not a attention seeker. 

I wish I can hate you. 

I wish I can just forget about trying to be friend with you. 

I wish you can take my jokes. 

I wish I have higher Eq.

I wish I never see the bad side of you.

I wish we are not the casualty of the incidence. 

I wish I don't need to be pretend nothing happen before.

I wish........

Don't remind me. Because I am a coward that don't want to recall any of that. 

You are the biggest dark spot in my life. I admit. 

I'm not sure whether you find me the same not. 

But we know, we don't treat each other the same like last time anymore. 

As I not even dare to do so. 

I hate being a baby. 

I hate being sensitive. you are also sensitive as well. which make it even worse. 

-Chia Lin-