A dream with cruel facts to deal with #1

If you are new here, I'm studying veterinary medicine. And my dream is to become a pretty vet, YES, must be a pretty vet *shallow* with my own veterinary clinic (maybe just 打工la), my son or daughter (or maybe adopted child in case I'm infertile or end up in a lovely lesbian relationship hahaha) will be at the cashier area together with our pet, a Pug maybe, or help me to restrain dogs and cats. They always say it's good to dream big hahaha. It's a dream.

But you know, after you enter veterinary medicine course, you know, things ain't going to be so perfect.

You will have a lot of clients take everything for granted, blame on vet even though there is nothing wrong that the vet has done, ask for and think that ONE injection ONLY already can treat all kind of disease and blah blah blah. But there are owners that really appreciate vet's hard work. Thank you - To all nice owners with gratitude.

But today I'm not going to talk about owners.

There are moments that I really think I should not have chosen Veterinary Medicine. I love animals, I have 3 dogs living happily in my childhood memory. Maybe that's the reason, I'm so easy to get attached to animals emotionally. I am happy when I see there is improvement in patients.

Vet students are funny in a way that, they may feel happy if the cats or dogs finally defecate after being constipated for a while, or from pasty feces become solid, urinate clear yellowish urine, all sort of things that you may think disgusting, vet students are happy with it.

The biggest weakness in me is I get emotional-attached to patient easily.
I can't stand when I know the prognosis is not going to be good or see any sign of deteriorating. I just can't.
Tears easily rolled down from my eyes. and I hate to face this kind of situation and feeling which I can't do anything to help and with tears and mucus running down on my face. I guess I must have looked ugly.

I understand that we are not God. But God, please. Ease my pain and give me the strength to face this fact for me to help these poor things to have some quality remaining time. For me to be able to smile when see them in their eyes.

This is one of the moment I think I'm not suitable to be a vet.
It's not good to be too attached with patients.
It's not good to cry in front of owners/together with the owners/just me crying wtf.
I have to be professional which I capable of controlling my emotion and feeling not to let sadness overwhelmed my heart and mind that affect my critical thinking and decision making.
I should be the one console them, not crying together or worst, they console me.


Some said eventually I will get immune to it when I had already face with too much of that scene.

Sometime when I recall this, I would ask myself, "Is it a good thing or bad? "
I don't know.

But, I hope my dream comes true.
Because that's what I have been dreaming for years.

-The wish shall come true-

And yeah. Thank you the VO on duty that console me. I appreciate that, Such an angel she is.